“Otherwise do something else”

I remember back when I started my first company, a friend said to me “get ready to have a knot in your stomach and feel nauseous for years.” I laughed it off then, but it was probably the most accurate advice I’ve ever gotten.

I haven’t slept well for years. Even now with my last startup sold, I stay up at night thinking about how to change the website, make payroll, raise more money, etc.

In 1995, I was a graduate student studying philosophy at Columbia. I was also doing computer programming on the side. The programming was going well and I was getting some good job offers. I happened to get to have dinner with the philosopher Daniel Dennett, and I asked him what he thought I should do with my career. He said: “If there is absolutely no way you can imagine being happy except studying philosophy, study philosophy. Otherwise do something else.”

I’d say the same thing about starting companies.

Anonymous

There is no way I can imagine being happy except starting my company. Hell, this is the first time I can remember being happy in a very long time.

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

I’m probably the same way. Just trying to give some advice to people considering this career route.

Anonymous

Oh yeah, its a terribly brutal career choice. Then again, I figured that my ADHD and penchant for starting organizations would lead me to a life of serial entrepreneur eventually.

Unfortunately, most people have a terrible context for defining happiness. While this probably won’t fix that, it remains good advice.

http://jeffjudge.com Jeff Judge

> get ready to have a knot in your stomach and feel nauseous for years
That is a perfect summation of how I’ve been feeling for awhile now…thank you. I love it and hate it at the same time – love the excitement of building a product and company, hate the operational responsibilities of getting everyone on the same page, paying the bills, the thousand tiny things that have to be done every week – yet I’m exactly where I want to be. It’s just such an oddly satisfying and gutwrenching thing to do.
http://twitter.com/40square Lee

Ya it’s tough and rough. The days are long and the stress is high. But it never feels like work. It’s the most creative, most fulfilling thing I have even done in my life. Sometimes, I like to imagine a renaissance painter, working in obscurity and poverty, creating a vision he has in his head. The days are long and the conditions tough, and it can takes years, if ever, to achieve success. Are we really all that different? The medium is different, but what drives us is the same.
Anonymous

Chris, this post reminds me of something Joe Kraus of Google Ventures said tonight in San Diego about the highs and lows of startup life. Paraphrasing…”One day we felt like we were killing it and the next it was all falling apart…..And nothing had changed.” Thanks for another insightful post.

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

I agree. It’s a very strange and difficult (but also potentially great) thing.

Anonymous

Yep. Strange, Difficult and (potentially) Great. You nailed it.

Two things that are helping me through the ups and downs right now are a regular meeting with another founder (different company). We talked for 3 hours yesterday. It helps. And status reports to my attorney. They aren’t really status reports – he just pings me “hey, Steve, what’s new?” – but I think of them that way. It’s gets my accomplishments down on paper where they seem more concrete. Yep, I did that. Awesome! …And I’m ready for more.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

You’re still worried about making payroll? Isn’t that eBay’s job now?

Just curious…was wondering if I missed the context.

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

You are right – it just takes (a lot of) time to adjust.

http://www.aaronklein.com/ Aaron Klein

Got it. Totally understand.

May the phantom fears dissipate soon and congrats again on the exit…

http://www.lindventures.com/blog Brad Lindenberg

Says it all.
http://MeetInnovators.com Adrian Bye

was siteadvisor this stressful as well?

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

definitely

http://www.alearningaday.com Rohan

Great story, Chris. Thanks for sharing.

First time commenter here.
http://twitter.com/techlibido Saikat Ghosh

Here is the knot in my stomach.
http://twitter.com/pakman David Pakman

Chris, your post brought the knot *back* into my stomach, 3 years after I stepped down from running startups. This post rings so true for me. I *still* worry about eMusic, the people still there, what it should do next, etc. People have compared startups to children and seems apt.
Anonymous

I was Dan’s bete noir through three years of college. I can certainly hear him saying that to you.

Congrats on the new deal and good luck with the transition, which will certainly increase knottage, at least in the short run.
http://twitter.com/jrdothoughts Jesus Rodriguez

I know the feeling. However is just part of the challenge and you have done it successfully twice already and been a huge source of inspiration for other entrepreneurs like myself. Hunch has a huge potential at eBay so I don’t think you are going to sleep much better anyways
http://www.rentsavvy.com Mike

This is the reality that few founders consider before taking the leap (myself included). It’s easy to say competition is good because it proves your assumptions are correct, but what’s missing is the reality about how this plays out day to day. Not to mention the many other stresses of being a founder.

Personally I’ve never been more stressed or slept less in my life, but man I love it. Plus I’ve found that I’m driven to succeed primarily by living each day in the space where passion and fear coexist.

Congrats on the sale to Ebay by the way!
http://twitter.com/spcohn Steven Cohn

100% agree…it is either addictive or destructive. True entrepreneurs find it addictive…which is why we keep coming back. But you are right that it is not for everyone, including employees of a start-up, which this can be extended to. It is often obvious with employees in the first month or two.
http://swizec.com Swizec

What about those of us who hate [almost] everything that comes with running a company, but can’t imagine being happy in any other context?

I’ve almost decided that having a company is simply a necessary evil for what I want out of my life.

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

yeah me too.

http://twitter.com/pixeltrek tmoore

Man I hear ya. Fortunately or not I ride the same pony. It can and is a very, very challenging career path. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The ups and downs can be VERY extreme. Being a solo entrepreneur this is intensely compounded.
Fortunately I have great mentors who don’t pull punches when it comes to objectivity.
Anonymous

This is also what they say about writing for a living!
http://peteforde.com/ Pete Forde

You nailed it, Chris. My own sleep cycle is spinning wildly out of control. I have an Atlas complex when it comes to my startup.

Years ago I read similar advice for musicians in bands that want to “take it to the next level”. The short version was “Don’t!” and the longer version was “The only people that should be in a touring rock band are the people who can’t not be in a touring rock band.”

I spent several years trying to act like I needed to be in a touring rock band. Luckily I was and still am young enough to be wrong and not have any serious regrets.
Anonymous

Curse that knot. 2-3 times a week I’m greeted with it shortly after checking morning mail..Meditation is our friend.
Martin Andrews

Wasn’t that Daniel Dennett?

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

yes, thanks, fixed.

marcusellison

Is there another company in the pipeline?

http://www.cdixon.org chris dixon

No. Just investing.

http://rendion.myopenid.com/ render

Founders are gay.
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Chris Dixon